A Bloglet:Labour; what it really feels like.

I have experienced labour four times and feel able to describe the feeling sufficiently well enough to scare young women into removing their own ovaries with a spoon.  I would liken it to someone pumping up a Swiss Ball that’s been secreted in your womb whilst your hips are placed in an industrial vice.  The pumping up coincides with a squeezing inwards of your hips until you’re more than happy to die.  At this point it stops and you’re given nine seconds of respite before it begins again.  This continues for an average twelve hours with the  now inflated Swiss Ball also being dragged slowly but surely out of your womb .  At the point of no return you’ll assure the Midwife that there’s been some terrible mistake and you’re due in work for a conference call.  She’ll suddenly turn from your sweet young ‘gal pal’ into Mrs Trunchbull right as your fanny is torn apart by an under-developed human.  At this point you can think yourself very lucky if your anus is still intact.




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s