Him & Her.

​The innate struggle between the sexes boiled down into one conversation.



He: “What’s for tea love?” 

(It better contain meat.)


She: “I’ve made a quorn quiche with kale and beetroot salad sweetheart.” 

(Tosser; look at his face.  That’ll be the last time he takes makes a cheap jibe about the size of my ass.)


He: “Sounds lush babe.” 

(Ffs ‘green shit’  looks like I’ll need that emergency sausage roll in the glove box of the van after all.)


She:”You’ll never tell the difference sweetheart and it’s better for your heart!” 

(And my ass…)


He: “Where are the kids?” 

(I’ve still got a semi-on after Gaz at work showed me that Porn-hub video; shame to waste it.)


She: “In their bedrooms love, there are no clubs tonight.” 

(Yeah so you can keep your unwashed knob to yourself I’m not falling for that again.)


He: “Oh lovely I’ll go up and spend some quality time with them before tea.” 

(If I give the kids a fiver to go to the shops for sweets I’ll get half an hour on ‘Call of Duty’.)


She: “Okay love they’ll enjoy that.” 

(Five minutes tops then I’ll burst into the kids room and give him a real bloody ambush to deal with.)



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