Seriously; where has she buggered off to?
Why is it that she’s now struggling to listen to the seven year old’s dreams, literally every morning; mostly involving a crocodile eating her little sister? Why is she wincing through the repetitive anecdotes about school; mostly involving boys and all the shit that’s unfair? Why can she no longer find a smile for the ad-hoc farting and burping; particularly whilst eating? What’s happened to her that those things are now painful; like a session of acupuncture using knitting needles jabbed from a great height?
What’s happened to fun Mum?
Why is she so irritated by the repeated cough of the 3 year old, the complete lack of continence despite sterling efforts on her part and continued broken night’s sleep despite her cute curls and dimples?
Well this fun Mum has had one too many night’s out cancelled, spent long week after week longing for some respite then finding it eludes her once more. This fun Mum loves her children and wants to be patient and kind but finds them individually challenging and now it appears they’re acting in relay thus ensuring an blot on the landscape of most hours of the waking day. This fun Mum is tired; not sleep deprived for she forgoes television and staying up sipping wine in order to attempt to be fresh for the following day. No this fun Mum is tired of being on the back-foot, berating herself constantly, analysing every frustrated word she utters and wondering why she’s not getting it right.
This Fun Mum is no longer having fun.
Now she realises ‘you can’t give them back’ and that ‘they were new when you had them’ but at this juncture that doesn’t help her plight. So what would? Right; a lottery win, hiring Super Nanny to live with her until they leave home, at least one evening per week going to Tom Hardy’s house for a full-body massage and a years supply of Crème Eggs (with voucher for liposuction).
Likelihood of that happening? Three chances; fat, no and not a bloody…
So how can we legally get the fun back in Mum?
I’ll let you know she’s out tomorrow night; if you see her atop a table swigging Corona with a wedge of lime in her cleavage, don’t judge. Or sitting in the street sucking up kebab meat from a polystyrene tray, dont judge.
Remember she’s waited a long time for this!!